Dating In DC 101 ~ Hello, Have You Seen My Husband?

A frantic wife dials a family friend and asks, "Have you seen my husband?" "No" responds the friend, "when was the last time you saw him?" "Well, he left home around 8:00 P.M. last night and I haven't seen him since." The "concerned" friend tells her "well if something has happened to him they will be able to identify him by the identification in his wallet."

How is that for sensitivity? Supposed he's been mugged and separated from his I.D.? Just asking?

The wife tells the friend "He lost his wallet so he has no identification on him."

Now my spider senses are tingling. Was he driving without his license? Does he typically go out late evenings alone? I know, 8:00 P.M. is not really late, but this is an older couple who have been married close to 30 years. Remember I said older but not elderly. These are questions I would have asked the wife, but the concerned family friend reassures her that "he will turn up soon."  "Turn up soon?", like in the Potomac River or in the hospital? Not verbiage that is comforting when your husband has been missing all night.

"Call the police", the friend says and bids the wife good-bye, but not after saying "keep me posted". This isn't like a Facebook status!

PAUSE......

The wife calls the police and they arrive at her residence shortly before 10:00 A.M. She recounts the previous evening to the police. "No there were no problems in their relationship. No he has no medical problems that she is aware of. Yes, this is totally out of character."

As she is giving them a physical description of her missing husband the front door opens and there he stands. "I'm sorry, I got drunk last night at a friends and fell asleep" he laments. The cops close their notepads, and bid the couple farewell.

Now the family friend nor I have any idea what happened after the police left but I have two possible scenarios.

Scenario I:

She embraces her husband and places his face in her hands, "I'm so glad your home safe, I was so worried". "You were so intoxicated that you couldn't call me?." She half asks and half makes a statement. He does not respond. "I'm just so glad you're home. Go take a shower and I'll make waffles. You are hungry aren't you?"

Scenario II:

"You look like crap, and you smell like a French whore. Is that Chanel #5 I smell?" You're out there drinking  champagne out of some hookers stilettos when you should have been home drinking Michelob out of my house shoes. You're just lucky it wasn't date night last night. Go get your nasty behind in the shower, you gotta take me and momma to Walmart. They got a sale on Tide and toilet paper that I got to get to."

What would you say to your missing loved one?