Dating In DC 101 ~ Dating Debacles of 2012

Pretty soon it will be 2013 and the new year will offer all new dating opportunities. Hopefully there will be more dreams come true then debacles.

Here are my top Dating Debacles of 2012:

5.  No Commitment - During the first five minutes of the first conversation he says that he’s not looking for a relationship, doesn’t want to be committed, and never wants to get married. After lunch he texts to say he’d like to be invited over for dinner someday. I don’t think so.

4.  Wow, he won a second a term! – He lives across the country and has been promising to visit for over a year and has come up with a multitude of excuses why he just can’t make it. The election comes and Obama is back in for his second term. The phone rings and it’s him asking if he can stay with you so that he can take part in the inauguration activities. Please…

3.  On-Line Dating - You met him on-line and the conversation was flowing. You can’t believe that he might be the one. He sends a picture but it’s grainy and really not clear enough to see all that you want or need to see. Finally the day comes when you meet, and he’s handicap and a tad short. Not that we should discriminate against the handicapped but I think this is something you should mention to someone instead of springing it on them on a first date. Wouldn’t you want to know if I had a third eye? Can someone say “Catfish”?

2.  Cheaters - He cheats on you and you still decide to have his child. You put him out, but he keeps showing up on your doorstep and you let him back in. If a dog messes on your carpet and you give it a treat it’s going to keep messing on that carpet. Smack that cheater on the nose with a newspaper and stop rewarding bad behavior.

And my Number 1 Dating Debacle of 2012

1.  Joe Schmoe - You met him in the club. He’s fine and got swagger, but no job, no car and no place of his own, but you decide to BUN this loser. And to further propagate the myth that older, professional women are desperate for a man you invite your friends and random acquaintances (all women) over to your house to meet him, and show him off like a shiny new car. He shows up over an hour late and announces that he’s late because he had to stop and buy some condoms. He is best kept under the sheets in the bedroom and not at the dinner table.

Dating In DC 101 ~ First Impressions

 

You only have one chance to make a first impression. Make it a good one.

 

I was recently introduced to a gentleman by a friend. The three of us were riding metro, she introduced me and they chatted for a while. He showed us cell phone pictures that he’d taken in New York at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and I engaged him in light banter.

 

We depart the train at the same station, exchange “it was a pleasure to meet you”, and went our separate ways.

I immediately went in to social research mode (getting the 411) regarding his situation. “He’s a very nice guy, divorced, good job, nice home…” Sounds interesting right? So I tell her to give him my number.

Fast forward….

He tells my girlfriend to give me his number and I should call in the afternoon because he has meetings in the morning. I’ll bite, since I showed the initial interest, I’ll make the first call. Typically I wouldn’t.

I call, he doesn’t answer, I make a mental note regarding his voice mail: where he works, his title, how his voice sounds. About an hour later he calls, we exchange pleasantries. I ask about his place of employment and the flood gates open: I’m in charge of this, I’m in charge of that. I know that when we meet new people some like to verbalize their resume, I suggest you don’t.

So I interrupt, and ask him if he’d like to have lunch with me the following week. And here is where it goes off in to a ditch. “Um, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but, I really don’t remember what you look like.” My mouth flies open but no words come out. “But, I don’t mind meeting new friends so….” Again I interrupt, “You don’t remember me?” Me the star, the charmer, the apple of everyone’s eye? How is that even possible? I’m unforgettable. I guess not. “How about I send you a picture of myself to your cell phone, if you don’t mind sharing your number.” A little cute sarcasm, he didn’t laugh. I’m shaking my head, and just want to hang the damn phone up at this point. “Sure, send me a picture,” and he gives me his number. I tell him that if he doesn’t like what he sees he can tell me that he has meeting from now to the end of next year, and if he likes what he sees we will meet next week. I think I heard a slight chuckle before he went in to his “I’m not looking for a relationship speech.” He went on to tell me he is divorced, he likes his space, he doesn’t want drama, but enjoys female companionship.  Pump your brakes brother, it’s just lunch, not a meeting at a cryogenic clinic to let your sperm and my eggs meet in procreation bliss. When he takes a pause to take a breath I jump right in. “I’m not looking for a husband, a baby daddy, and I don’t want your ass print on my couch either, let’s just get through lunch.” I tell him I have to go and bid him farewell.

Moments later my cell phone buzzes, “Thanks for the photo. I remember you. Next week is good for me. Noon is the best time. Feel free to call me.”

I’ll let you know how it goes.