Dating In DC 101 ~ "What Men Want"

Chapter 5 ~ "The First Date" Part I

Dream or Nightmare?

The Nightmare Date:

• She won't stop talking about her Ex
• "It was just a complete mess. He cheated, he lied, he kicked my dog. I don't know how I survived the whole thing. And the snoring, it went on for hours. Oh, and one time when we went to the beach and he kicked sand..."

 He's thinking, I wish she would go kick rocks. Or,

• "He was so good to me, unfortunately his job moved him to the Far East and you know long distance relationships are just so hard. I really miss him, we were very good friends. Most great relationships start as great friendships, I just miss him so much. And my parents just adored him. He and my father just bonded right away and my mother just couldn't get enough of his funny stories."

• Too Serious Too Soon
• "When I get married I'd like to have a spring wedding. What do you think? I want my bridesmaids to wear mint green. You know mint is in this season? Who would you have as your best man?"

 Really, wedding talk on a first day. Who are you? DESPERATE!

• "Sorry I'm a little out of sorts, my NaNa died recently and I just haven't recovered. I was her little Princess. She spoiled me rotten 'cause I was her favorite. I remember one time she made us matching aprons and we baked cookies. Boy I miss my NaNa." 

What? Your NaNa died about 10 years ago and yes it was sad and yes you do miss her; but jeez, what is he supposed to say while handing you a tissue while you're crying about your NaNa on your first date?

Either of these scenarios will have him yelling "CHECK" before the entrée arrives.

The Dream Date:

• She's Nice, Kind, and Considerate
• Drop a dollar in the homeless person's cup in front of the restaurant. 

Dang it, he wasn't looking; now you have to give that loser another dollar on the way out.

• Make small talk with the elderly lady waiting to be seated. 

You're thinking, if this old bitty doesn't get out of my way I'm just gonna push her to the floor.

• Be courteous to the staff of the establishments you visit.

"Hello, how are you?"

Who cares? Just bring me my appetizers PRONTO!

• Smile even if it hurts!

And boy does it hurt.

• She's Flexible and Easy Going
• "Sure I'd love to go horseback riding on the mall tonight.I know it's hot but we can pick up some waters to take with."

You know damn well you don't want to ride a smelly horse in the middle of a D.C. summer. Yuck!

• "I'm laid back and drama free. Nothing bothers me. It might be those yoga classes. I don't let anyone or anything mess with my Zen."

You say this as you yell across the restaurant, "Can I get another Gin and Tonic over here!"

Oopsy!

Next session we will discuss: Where to Go, Going With the Flow, Who Pays, The Prospect of a Second Date, and the infamous "I'll Call You."

Smooches and Happy Dating!

 

Dating In DC 101 ~ "What Men Want"

Chapter 4 ~ "The First Phone Call"

Where did we leave off? Oh, yeah "The First Encounter." Everything went swimmingly when you two met, he asked for your number and now your home waiting for that first phone call.

While you wait, you're imagining your first date, you might even mouth your first name with his last. How do the two names sound together? Don't act like you've never done that before. Remember when we were in grade school and had our first crush? We would write our name over and over replacing our last name with the boy we were sure we were going to marry last name. What was his name again?

At the same time he's sitting at home contemplating whether or not to call even though you had a great first encounter. What the....?

"What Men Want" says there are several reasons he might not call:

• The fear of rejection. He may fear that maybe you have reconsidered and regret giving him your number.
• He has reconsidered and is no longer interested and now that he is sober feels that you really aren't his type.
• He's too busy, but when he gets bored and has nothing else to do he might ring you up.
• He never had any intentions of calling and just wanted to see if he could get the number.

With that out of the way, what does encourage him to call?:

• Let him know that you like him during the first encounter.
• He might be looking for something casual and you fit the bill, casual.
• He might need a date for an upcoming the event, you have become the stand-in.
• He's a player and now you're on the list of good-time girls.
• Hopefully, he is generally interested and wants to get to know you better.

You're still checking your phone. When will he call? He's pondering the situation and the possibilities are:

• In his mind if he calls too soon he might appear desperate.
• If he waits too long you might think he isn't interested and now he runs the risk of being rejected when he does finally call.
• If he is interested he will call within a week.

But hold the phone; if you exchanged numbers give him a call. Men are usually impressed when a woman takes the initiative to call them first.

Smooches and Happy Dating!

Dating In DC 101 ~ "What Men Want"

Chapter 3 ~ "The First Encounter"

Oh, it's love at first sight for you and him. But who is going to make that uncomfortable first move?

According to our Authors, men know immediately if the sparks are there. That's what prompts them and us in to action. Let's be honest, we don't look at someone we really aren't attracted to and say to ourselves, "Yeah, they look like they might make a great partner," or "Hmmm, I wonder if they are good in bed?" Attraction equals action.

He may want to come over and say hello, but the fear of rejection is standing in his way. Now he's weighing the positives and the negatives: Is she married? Is she a lesbian? Does she hate men? Is she having her cycle? Oh, forget it, so they opt to go home and masturbate (their words, not mine) instead of risking it.

After all, they felt the sting of rejection many times. So what can we do to make the trip across the room a little easier for them? That is, if you are interested too.

If you are out with a group of people he will be hesitant to approach you. Who wants to walk across the room, approach a person who is with a group of people who are probably in earshot of what he is about to say and possibly be shot down like a missile flying in unauthorized air space? Not me and certainly not a man.

Now there are some men who are confident and seize the opportunity, saunter over and say a few words to get your attention. Trust and believe, he's practiced that line the whole time he was checking you out or it has worked on a few other women so they decide to stick with what they know.

If you're not digging his vibe and shoe him away, he now feels like a midget at a giant convention, with a third eye square in the middle of his forehead. He whispers something not so nice under his breath and heads straight to the bar. "Give me a double!"

But if you kind of like him too, you excuse yourself from your group, chat with him off to the side and find yourself tee-hee-ing at things you normally would find ridiculous.

Now you two are connecting. The trip across the room was worth the journey.

The next chapter is "The First Phone Call." Ring you later, or do they?

Smooches and Happy Dating!

Dating In DC 101 ~ "What Men Want"

Chapter 2 ~ "Ten Facts About Men"

Fact Number 1:  "Women Have More Power Over Men Than They Know"

Well I knew that one. I have seen men do some crazy things when they think they are in love. I've seen the look in some of their eyes when you just mention their lady's name. But is that look long lasting or just a shooting star?

We as women do have the power to uplift a man or crush him and his hopes and dreams right along with him. Always use your power for good and not evil. Remember Karma is a mother.....

Fact Number 2:  "Men Appreciate Women Who Take the Initiative"

I hear you. Where are we going to eat? What do you want to do? What time do you want to go? Would someone make a decision already?

Should I ask for his number? Should I call him first? If you are interested, let him know. If there is something you'd like to do then speak up. But don't dominate, they have 1-900 numbers for that.

Fact 3:  "Men Are Turned Off by Women Who Play Hard to Get"

That makes perfect sense. Why would they keep trying to hook the fish that keeps squirming away when they have a whole lake of fish to choose from? After all, you might not be a good catch, he might not be either. Eventually he will give up and justifiably so.

You don't have to be easy, but be reasonable.

Fact Number 4: "Men Will Take Advantage of Women Who Will Let Them"

If you seem content with where your relationship is with a man then why on earth would he rock the boat? He's comfortable and has gotten complacent, go figure.

If you want more from your relationship then you need to let him know. If he's not moving in the same direction you are then it's time to get on another boat. Better you find out sooner than later.

Fact Number 5:  "When It Comes to Sex, Men Still Believe in the Double Standard"

As these guys tell it, men would have sex all day, every day, with any woman who was willing. Well not literally, but you get the drift.

Men are driven by sex and that's the long and short of it, and hopefully it is longer than it is shorter. But don't expect for them to appreciate the same behaviors and attitudes  in a woman unless she is paid to behave that way.

Keep him satisfied and interested or he will either wonder or wander and neither is a good thing.

Fact Number 6:  "Men Are Extremely Jealous, So Trying to Inflame His Jealousy Will Always Backfire"

Men are already wondering how they stack up to the guy next to them, let alone the guy who might be vying for his amour's attention.

So you pushing his jealousy button is only going to push him away. "He will drop you cold rather than suffer this kind of torture," say my guys.

Fact Number 7:  "Men's Natural Inclination Is to Have Sex with Many Women"

Hey, they said it and they admitted it. What more do you want? They said that when in a monogamous relationship they turn to pornography, strip clubs, and masturbation to curb their salacious appetites. If they thought they could get away with cheating they would.

So keep them in check and keep them in love.

Fact Number 8:  "Men Have a Hard Time Interpreting Women's Talk"

Men hear in black and white while women speak in shades of grey (no pun intended, well maybe just a little bit).

Hell, half the time I don't even know what I'm talking about. Sometimes there just aren't words to convey our emotions and you want a man to understand. Not happening. The key is being direct and to the point. And never tell him "We need to talk", not if you really intend on speaking to him again.

Fact Number 9:  "Men Would Rather Be Intimate Than Talk About It"

Men are poor communicators when it comes to relationships and feelings (refer back to Fact Number 8). Women on the other hand want verbal declarations of love and commitment. Sure he can say the words that you want to hear, but does he really mean them.

Look to his actions and not to what he is or isn't saying, they will speak volumes.

Fact Number 10:  "The Way to a Man's Heart is Through His Ego"

You don't have to fawn all over him and exaggerate his accomplishments, but compliment him from time to time when he does a good job or when he makes an earnest attempt.

Just like us we like to hear a job well done instead of hearing how we mucked (yes, I meant to say mucked) something up.

Next we explore,

Chapter 3 ~ "The First Encounter" is where it all begins. Stay tuned.

Smooches and Happy Dating!

Dating In DC 101 ~ "What Men Want"

No not me, I don't have the answer, but three professional men from New York claim that they can at least shed some light on the situation.

First I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that they are Caucasian and the book was written in 1998, but we will forge ahead despite those facts.

A little about the men:

One is a lawyer and is labeled the player, at least in his former years. The other is the romantic, he's a Certified Public Accountant. Last but not least in the intellect, his profession, surgeon. Wow, three great catches in one group. Who knew it was possible? It's like the stars and the planets all aligning at the same time. It's like hitting the Powerball three times in a row, it's like.... Well you get my drift.

Chapter 1 ~ "Inside The Mind And Heart Of The Professional Man" asks the question, "Does he see you as the "good for now girl", or a "woman with wife potential?"

They go on to describe how they came to write their book. As the story is told, they were at the beach sharing a house with some female friends, and those women wanted to know what men are looking for in a relationship. They went on to describe the personalities of those women and why they hadn't themselves secured the triple "L's", Long Lasting and Loving relationships.

Too needy, playing hard to get, sharing too much information to early in the relationship. By the end of their time together those women urged them to write a book so that all of us had the inside scoop on "What Men Want."

Stay tuned for Chapter 2 ~ "Ten facts About Men".

"What Men Want" was written by Bradley Gertsman, Esq., Christopher Pizzo, CPA and Rich Seldes, M.D.

Smooches and Happy Dating!

Dating In DC 101 ~ Who Is Wearing The Pants?

Women often ask me,

 "If I have to do his job, then why do I need him?" 

Well if you go back in time, we needed him to pay the bills, take out the trash, change the light bulbs, and the ultimate "Procreation."

But in these modern times women have found that they can do it all; but what about procreation?

Now our options are more plentiful and accessible. There is adoption, surrogacy, test tubing, and maybe in the not so distant future, cloning. Who knows what advances lie around the corner of the next decade? 

Women are in professional positions, making the bacon, bringing home the bacon, and cooking it too.

So again the question remains,

"Why do I need him?"

Well my love you have to answer that question yourself and the answer might very well be that you don't.

Smooches and Happy Dating!