Dating In DC 101 ~ Not Negotiable

You think you've met the person who just might be the one. They're great and things are going marvellously. Then one day the conversation is suddenly about relationship deal breakers, those pesky non-negotiables.

Your list seems like a no brainer:

• No Infidelity.
• No Lies.
• Must Be Kind and Courteous.

Blah, Blah, Blah. You know the drill.

His is more specific:

• No small children. Check!
• Must live within a 60 mile radius. Check!
• No cats. Double Check!
• No Smoking. Stop the press!

Did he smell the cigarette smoke on my breath? I thought I had hidden all the ashtrays. I only smoke once in awhile, that should be okay right?

There is suddenly an awkward silence. He's staring right at you as if he can see last nights cigarette smoke still circling your lungs.

You look him right back and say "Check." Whew, I guess he didn't know your tiny indiscretion.

Now what?

• Do you quit? After all it is a terrible habit.
• Do you continue to hide your habit and hope he never finds out,
• Or finally tell the truth and say you will "work" on quitting?

Tisk Tisk.....

What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive!

What would you do?

Dating In DC 101 ~ Hello, Have You Seen My Husband?

A frantic wife dials a family friend and asks, "Have you seen my husband?" "No" responds the friend, "when was the last time you saw him?" "Well, he left home around 8:00 P.M. last night and I haven't seen him since." The "concerned" friend tells her "well if something has happened to him they will be able to identify him by the identification in his wallet."

How is that for sensitivity? Supposed he's been mugged and separated from his I.D.? Just asking?

The wife tells the friend "He lost his wallet so he has no identification on him."

Now my spider senses are tingling. Was he driving without his license? Does he typically go out late evenings alone? I know, 8:00 P.M. is not really late, but this is an older couple who have been married close to 30 years. Remember I said older but not elderly. These are questions I would have asked the wife, but the concerned family friend reassures her that "he will turn up soon."  "Turn up soon?", like in the Potomac River or in the hospital? Not verbiage that is comforting when your husband has been missing all night.

"Call the police", the friend says and bids the wife good-bye, but not after saying "keep me posted". This isn't like a Facebook status!

PAUSE......

The wife calls the police and they arrive at her residence shortly before 10:00 A.M. She recounts the previous evening to the police. "No there were no problems in their relationship. No he has no medical problems that she is aware of. Yes, this is totally out of character."

As she is giving them a physical description of her missing husband the front door opens and there he stands. "I'm sorry, I got drunk last night at a friends and fell asleep" he laments. The cops close their notepads, and bid the couple farewell.

Now the family friend nor I have any idea what happened after the police left but I have two possible scenarios.

Scenario I:

She embraces her husband and places his face in her hands, "I'm so glad your home safe, I was so worried". "You were so intoxicated that you couldn't call me?." She half asks and half makes a statement. He does not respond. "I'm just so glad you're home. Go take a shower and I'll make waffles. You are hungry aren't you?"

Scenario II:

"You look like crap, and you smell like a French whore. Is that Chanel #5 I smell?" You're out there drinking  champagne out of some hookers stilettos when you should have been home drinking Michelob out of my house shoes. You're just lucky it wasn't date night last night. Go get your nasty behind in the shower, you gotta take me and momma to Walmart. They got a sale on Tide and toilet paper that I got to get to."

What would you say to your missing loved one?

Urban Literature Under Review ~ "Up the Way" by BEN

"Up the Way" by BEN

203 Pages
Published 2009 by DC Book Diva Publications
Copyright 2009 by Benjamin Janey
Urban Literature

From the Back Cover:

"Not just another ghetto story. We're talking from behind bars; Ben has raised the bar - taking the art of storytelling to the next level! San Dora is a prison where there's money to be made. Joining forces childhood friends and CO's Mia and Jazz are on the come up and playing by their own rules.

Escalade and Do-Boy hold down the streets, while in prison Akbar, Malik, and Born Freedom represent the Gods to the fullest. Renegade female guards take no shorts and are "gansta"! Even the Warden has issues.

The sex is "salacious", and their swagger - "canonical". Take a journey into the lives of these characters, every page is unique, it's full of surprises and nothing is ever what it seems."

My Review:

I initially had a difficult time getting into this book. It takes place in New Jersey and the use of slang associated with that area was quite a conundrum. I found myself reading pages over and over again to increase my comprehension while still keeping track of the key characters. Even the title didn't register with me at first. "Up the Way," oh that means doing time in a penitentiary, got it.

My other stumbling block was navigating myself through prison lingo and references to the Muslim faith that wasn't familiar to me. Terms like "bout-it, Gods, and Astafallah," just to name a few peppered the novel to give it authenticity. Finally I got into the swing of it.

Jazz and Mia the key female characters in the book vie for your attention. They are both correctional officers at a New Jersey penitentiary. Jazz being the most seasoned, schools Mia on the ins, outs and who's who on campus. Mia appearing naive initially soon comes into her own when she meets a drug dealer on a bus on her way to work. The two ladies work the prison as if it were their own personal playground without regard for authority or repercussions. Their mission is to make money by any means necessary and if love, romance, and mayhem happen along the way then so be it.

Fred "Escalade" and Douglas "Do-Boy" head up the male cast of characters who regulate the street drug dealings, while Malik, Akbar and Born Freedom run the drug scene from behind the cell walls.

There are an array of characters intertwined in this story of a corrupt prison system meets street hustle. No one is who they appear to be.

There are some story lines that don't seem realistic but add to the drama and suspense, so I just went with it without analyzing it too much. After all it is fiction, and drama, sex, love, lies,and corruption make for a good story.

In addition, there were parts that were reminiscent of the movies "New Jack City" and "Belly", if you've seen those you will recognize the familiar scenes as you read along.

The ending is not what I anticipated, but went out with a bang..

Ben tied it up nicely at the end, and let's just say that good guys don't always finish first.

For me, the novel is not ready for mainstream, and I don't think Ben wrote it with mainstream in mind. What is does have is urban realism which can have its own following.

You can check out the publisher and her collection of novels at www.DCBookDIVA.com.

Dating In DC 101 ~ Dating Debacles of 2012

Pretty soon it will be 2013 and the new year will offer all new dating opportunities. Hopefully there will be more dreams come true then debacles.

Here are my top Dating Debacles of 2012:

5.  No Commitment - During the first five minutes of the first conversation he says that he’s not looking for a relationship, doesn’t want to be committed, and never wants to get married. After lunch he texts to say he’d like to be invited over for dinner someday. I don’t think so.

4.  Wow, he won a second a term! – He lives across the country and has been promising to visit for over a year and has come up with a multitude of excuses why he just can’t make it. The election comes and Obama is back in for his second term. The phone rings and it’s him asking if he can stay with you so that he can take part in the inauguration activities. Please…

3.  On-Line Dating - You met him on-line and the conversation was flowing. You can’t believe that he might be the one. He sends a picture but it’s grainy and really not clear enough to see all that you want or need to see. Finally the day comes when you meet, and he’s handicap and a tad short. Not that we should discriminate against the handicapped but I think this is something you should mention to someone instead of springing it on them on a first date. Wouldn’t you want to know if I had a third eye? Can someone say “Catfish”?

2.  Cheaters - He cheats on you and you still decide to have his child. You put him out, but he keeps showing up on your doorstep and you let him back in. If a dog messes on your carpet and you give it a treat it’s going to keep messing on that carpet. Smack that cheater on the nose with a newspaper and stop rewarding bad behavior.

And my Number 1 Dating Debacle of 2012

1.  Joe Schmoe - You met him in the club. He’s fine and got swagger, but no job, no car and no place of his own, but you decide to BUN this loser. And to further propagate the myth that older, professional women are desperate for a man you invite your friends and random acquaintances (all women) over to your house to meet him, and show him off like a shiny new car. He shows up over an hour late and announces that he’s late because he had to stop and buy some condoms. He is best kept under the sheets in the bedroom and not at the dinner table.

Dating In DC 101 ~ First Impressions

 

You only have one chance to make a first impression. Make it a good one.

 

I was recently introduced to a gentleman by a friend. The three of us were riding metro, she introduced me and they chatted for a while. He showed us cell phone pictures that he’d taken in New York at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and I engaged him in light banter.

 

We depart the train at the same station, exchange “it was a pleasure to meet you”, and went our separate ways.

I immediately went in to social research mode (getting the 411) regarding his situation. “He’s a very nice guy, divorced, good job, nice home…” Sounds interesting right? So I tell her to give him my number.

Fast forward….

He tells my girlfriend to give me his number and I should call in the afternoon because he has meetings in the morning. I’ll bite, since I showed the initial interest, I’ll make the first call. Typically I wouldn’t.

I call, he doesn’t answer, I make a mental note regarding his voice mail: where he works, his title, how his voice sounds. About an hour later he calls, we exchange pleasantries. I ask about his place of employment and the flood gates open: I’m in charge of this, I’m in charge of that. I know that when we meet new people some like to verbalize their resume, I suggest you don’t.

So I interrupt, and ask him if he’d like to have lunch with me the following week. And here is where it goes off in to a ditch. “Um, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but, I really don’t remember what you look like.” My mouth flies open but no words come out. “But, I don’t mind meeting new friends so….” Again I interrupt, “You don’t remember me?” Me the star, the charmer, the apple of everyone’s eye? How is that even possible? I’m unforgettable. I guess not. “How about I send you a picture of myself to your cell phone, if you don’t mind sharing your number.” A little cute sarcasm, he didn’t laugh. I’m shaking my head, and just want to hang the damn phone up at this point. “Sure, send me a picture,” and he gives me his number. I tell him that if he doesn’t like what he sees he can tell me that he has meeting from now to the end of next year, and if he likes what he sees we will meet next week. I think I heard a slight chuckle before he went in to his “I’m not looking for a relationship speech.” He went on to tell me he is divorced, he likes his space, he doesn’t want drama, but enjoys female companionship.  Pump your brakes brother, it’s just lunch, not a meeting at a cryogenic clinic to let your sperm and my eggs meet in procreation bliss. When he takes a pause to take a breath I jump right in. “I’m not looking for a husband, a baby daddy, and I don’t want your ass print on my couch either, let’s just get through lunch.” I tell him I have to go and bid him farewell.

Moments later my cell phone buzzes, “Thanks for the photo. I remember you. Next week is good for me. Noon is the best time. Feel free to call me.”

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Dating In DC 101 ~ Relationship Red Flags

Relationship Red Flags

 

Navigating the road to love can be tricky, so you need to be aware of the signs you see during your journey, especially the Red Flags. Although there are a myriad of signs, I will just name a few.

 

1.   He still lives at home

Okay I get it. Situations may arise in one’s life that causes them to return to the nest. Illness, losing a job, elderly parents, I get that. Well losing a job, I’d have to think on that one, but anyway there are some legitimate reasons why a man is still living at home. So is living at home really a red flag?

 

Yes! Men who still live at home are in no hurry to grow up, become independent or financially responsible. Are those things you would want in a future partner? If you’re not careful he’ll trade in his momma’s couch for yours.

 

2.  He never invites you over

 

“My place is a mess. I live in a bad neighborhood. My boy is going through some relationship problems and is on my couch.” Yeah right.

If he never wants you to come over and always wants to hang out at your place ask yourself why. Does he have a family he’s not telling you about, is he in a relationship with someone else?  Or refer to Relationship Red Flag #1 “He still lives at home.”

 

3.  He constantly talks bad about an ex

So he had a bad relationship, she cheated, she lied, she slept with his friends. He’s hurt and is learning how to trust again. BUT, you’re not his therapist.

It could be that he has not gotten over her. He may deflect his animosity about his ex on to you. He may control you because she betrayed hm.

Your relationship should be about you two; not you, him and her.

In all things that you do look at the signs, don’t ignore them. Weigh the pros and cons. Ask yourself would you want your daughter, sister or best friend to be in a relationship with this person?

 

Follow your instincts, don’t ignore them. It’s the universes way of alerting you to “Red Flags are Ahead!”

 

Dating In DC 101 ~ Love vs Lust

Our eyes meet from across the room and it is love at first sight, or is it? Do you know the signs of Love vs Lust?





SIGNS OF LUST

You're totally focused on a person's looks and body.
You're interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
You'd rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
You are lovers, but not friends.


SIGNS OF LOVE

You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
You want to honestly listen to each other's feelings, make each other happy.
He or she motivates you to be a better person.
You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.



Sometimes we see what we want to see, the lines between love and lust can be blurred. But as time passes it becomes clearer whether you or they were in love or lust.